And just like I know for sure that I’d die for you, I know I’d kill for you too…
Please extend a very warm welcome to Anya Joshi-De! Anya’s name, pronounced Aanyaa, means ‘Limitless or Inexhaustible Grace’ and we see her embody that quality every minute she has been alive. And as I look at her, I’m realizing that even if it has only been 9 months, it feels like I have waited for her my whole life. She was a little early, herself, and I firmly believe it is because she could not wait to meet us too.
I am excited to guide her as she learns her way in our world. And even more, I am excited to follow her when she leads the way for our world to new horizons!
Table of Contents:
I chose to write this blog so folks can have some perspective of what a multi day delivery experience in a hospital is like, at least in the Bay area. Hopefully, this helps some to-be-momma feel more prepared going in!
Third trimester trials and tribulations
Let me just start with, the third trimester is no joke! I have written much about the first 2 trimester and the happy and joyful experiences of my pregnancy that I wanted to make sure, I also share the reality of the third trimester, just as candidly.
I ended second trimester on a high note – glowing skin, physical fitness and emotional stability-ish. However, the third trimester hit me like a truck nearly every other week. Baby and mom both change so rapidly during these 3 months, that it necessitates daily assessments and experiments to find a new behavior that works for both. Some days I wanted to eat all the time, some days I was so heavy I could barely drink water. Vaccinations affected me way more than before and sleep rejected me pretty much since the 8th month. On the otherhand, acne and random shooting pains loved me passionately. They stuck with me until the very end.
Going through month 9 and delivery, makes me a firm believer that ONLY the woman getting pregnant should make the decision to get pregnant. No matter how much others genuinely help, it is the woman’s journey through pain, tears and sometimes, helpless suffering. If you’re not ready for it, don’t let others make that call for you.
But! With a backdrop of many (many) failed experiments, I did repeatedly find things that worked for my baby and me. I found inclined sleeping setups, alternatives to dancing, sitting schedules, etc. and with my parents-in-law to keep me motivated, I was ready to meet my baby for all reasons, good, bad and ugly.
Why did I want a natural birth?
I have so far had an uncomplicated, unmedicated and happy pregnancy. And all of my research has led to believe that an uncomplicated, and unmedicated delivery is also the best way to have a happy delivery. Happy here does not equal pain-free, but it does mean faster recovery, easier bonding and less risks.
All the medical interventions have a place in the delivery process, and in no way am I suggesting that they are bad for you. Bur having first hand experienced how salesy some hospitals and doctors are (pushing unneccesary tests, c sections and medications), I want to at least be very wary and educated about what interventions my body actually needs and try to achieve an unintervened birth.
Plans are made to be foiled…
I had been preparing my mind pretty much all my pregnancy, but especially in my 9th month to have my baby tell me that she was ready for birth. I had posters and informational handouts stuck all across my rooms to help me have a predictable delivery experience. So you can imagine my shock and fear when at my 39 week Ob-gyn check-in, my doctor told me I had oligohydramnios. This meant that I had lower than expected amniotic fluid than what is expected at 39 weeks and she recommended inducing birth immediately.
The first of many ‘informed’ decisions
Low amniotic fluid means my baby may not be getting enough nutrients through my body anymore. Additionally, my doctor also mentioned seeing some white patches on my placenta indicating placental maturity/age meaning things could only get worse from here. She gave us 1 hour to go home and get to the hospital.
Now armed with google search, Arka and I looked up all the links and sources to see if indeed an induction was needed. As you can imagine, the internet gave us no solace. Some links suggested that AFI, the metric for amniotic fluid guaging, is not ideal and has a higher incidence of c-section. Some links said, induction was not needed at all. However, we also consulted a couple of doctors, nurses and family members and everyone suggested we trust the doctor.
Decision 1: We decided to go to the hospital… to get a second opinion
What to expect at the hospital: Nudity and some loss of control
Once the doctor writes up the order, it truly is up to you. Nobody checks in with you about what you have decided to do. You just make that call and drive up.
At the hospital, the doctor has already phoned in your referrel – letting them know you’re coming in to be ‘admitted’ today. We were in denial at check in, when we were admitted immediately. We thought there’d be more discussion, more second opinions. You get asked if you want to get IV inserted off the bat. And they give you a hospital gown if you prefer. They put a bunch of vitals monitoring units on your belly to make sure baby is doing fine and you’re doing fine. Most hospitals now have units that monitor remotely and let you walk around. But be prepared for nurses to come now and again to reattach them – they just lift your gown and go for it. I assure you they don’t care what you look like down there, or how many times they have to look at you fully but you probably will. We had a private room, so it helped but barely. Most nurses/doctors are super busy and just bash in sometimes. Got to roll with it…
Again, all of this happened before we had made up our mind about getting induced.
Anyway, we denied everything until we got a second opinion (about 3 hours later). It came in the form of one of the worst experiences of my life, a cervical exam: 2 unfamiliar fingers 2 inches too far into my body were not welcome. An ultrasound confirmed the oligohydramniosis and the cervical check told us that my body was already close to labor 3 cm dilated, and 70% effaced. The doctor advised us that getting induced would be the right call as we would only be encouraging what the body has already started to do. They gave me 3 options: Membrane sweep, Balloon Cathetar, and Pitocin. I was adamant about getting my body to naturally move and was able to discuss this. My doctor agreed to a time limit that wouldn’t harm my baby but would let me try to achieve my goal.
Luckily, we had packed our labor bags (for weeks) because the options our doctor gave us all suggested that one way or another we were now going to go home with our baby. So began 6 gruelling hours of squats, walks, lunges. Anything to get my body going. And after I was completely spent, I got another one of those cervical exams with a lot of anticipation.
I had not moved at all.
Decision 2: I agreed to take Pitocin (1 mU/hour)
A Pitocin story: Pain of losing a battle with your body
You get pitocin with the IV drip usually through your wrist or arm. And this is a constant drip, so your movement is now restricted a bit since you have to be attached to the IV machinery.
I was adamant to, at least, let my body do the rest once the contractions start. We took a minimum dose of Pitocin, and were indeed off to a good start. My contractions started coming in consistently and Arka and I found a rhythm. We swayed, talked and moved through the initial contractions. I was so hopeful that I’d meet my baby really soon.
I spent the whole night walking, and encouraging my body to progress on the contractions. And they definitely got stronger as the night progressed. So early in the morning when the nurse came in to do a cervical exam, I braced myself.
A most memorable failure on an exam: 3.5 cm dilated. I had only progressed 0.5 cm – but worse the cervical exam, near broke me. It hurt too much and I felt my contraction literally stop as the shock of the exam spread through my body. I felt myself lose my confidence. I didn’t believe that I could continue any longer to get to 10 cm. I was even more worried that if I did get to 10 cm, I will have lost so much stamina that I wouldn’t be able to push my baby out well, and would need a c-section.
That is when my doctor offered the following: “The goal is not to suffer to see your baby. The goal is to get the baby out as soon and as safely as possible with the tools we have.” Even so, I wish I had taken some time to make this decision, maybe I’d have gained back some of my confidence, some of my patience to see the process through, but…
Decision 3: Take Epidural and an increased dose of Pitocin (12 mU/hour)
Epidurals: Its basically magic, scary witchcraft
There are multiple reasons I was afraid of getting the Pitocin and the Epidural. And I do hate quite a bit about the way I made both of those decision. I wish I had asked more questions, or taken more time. But either way, getting the pitocin was easier as it was simply an IV insertion in my wrist. The Epidural went into my spine, and came with multiple scary things, risk of spinal issues, catheter in my bladder, loss of all movement below the waist. You also cannot eat once you’re on Epidural.
So once we made the call, I just held my husbands hands and his gaze and sat tight. Much happens during an epidural injection. They first read you the risks of Epidurals (scary but apparently normal). They clean your back and narrate as they give you an analgesic for the entry point. They try finding the right spot by poking a bunch and once in, they ask you if you feel weird in one side or equal. Then they insert the catheter remove the needle and voila – you’re starting to numb already. In 30 min you’re completely off the grid in the lower half, they insert the catheter in your bladder and you’re now restricted to the bed.
Turns out, once I got the epidural, everything was smooth as eggs! They increased my Pitocin, nothing hurt, although I felt pressure with each contraction and baby was doing fine too! You do feel like your legs have slept or are swollen often, but the nurse assured me that’s normal.
It was time to labor again. Half a day, me, my husband and my nurse labored together, physically exercising my body, trying to get my body to do its thing. After maybe 6 hours or more, it was finally time. The doctor was called and a painless, cervical exam later – 10 cm!!
Decision 4: Push!
Happiness: Getting yelled at by a 2 second old!
My amazing nurse, helped me get a clear picture of what to expect. It is important to force downward. A lot of women end up pushing with their faces, turning red but not helping the delivery. This can happen because the epidural confuses your body since you can’t feel a lot of the pain.
I was ready. Everytime I felt a contraction come, my doctor and my nurse could see it on their monitoring unit and gave me encouragement to push. And I did, with every ounce of my body, I tried to feel for the little baby trying to come out and pushed the muscles where I felt her pressure. There came a moment where my baby’s BP dropped, and my nurse immediately asked me to shift my pelvis to help her.
And just like that, 30 min of pushing and breathing and my husband yelling “I see a head full of hair!” I pushed one last time with all my might and there she was, a whole new human in our world. She was immediately wrapped and handed to me (while my legs were still in stirrups, just a little awkward). She took a second to grasp the meaning of all this and justifiably, proceeded to yell at me for pushing her our of her cozy little space into a harsh world. I, literally, have a video with my first words to her being “Sorry, baby!”
We did it!
I kissed her so much, even with all the gunk and blood all over her and my body in absolute tatters – it was still pretty f*ing perfect! The doctor continued doing her thing, down below (again just a little awkward). She removed the placenta, my husband cut the umbilical cord and I needed 2 stitches, all of which happened within the 15 min that I was handed this beautiful bundle of joy.
We stayed at the hospital for 2 more nights and after all the checks, SSN process and Hep B vaccine, we were free to take little Anya to her first home!
I’d do it all over again!
I did have a really good delivery experience, even though nothing went to plan, and I was scared during a lot of it. It was primarily because my husband and my nurse made it so much easier for me. They were truly there for me, kept my spirits high and my mind distracted from the pain. And the meditation and exercised I did throughout the pregnancy were not for nothing, as they helped my body in more ways than one.
But the next time, I’d take more pauses, more breaths before I make decisions. With a baby every decision seems urgent and life threatening, but it might be worth taking a moment to listen to your own body for delivering your baby,
Will let you know how if and when I get there again – for now it is time to feed my baby!
Thoughts on the edge 