We cannot deny that in our geo-socio-economic circles pregnancy is a rare event, since, most women opt to have 1-2 pregnancies at most. And before we truly do research, all our frame of references about pregnancy come from movies and some stories from our moms/friends. One is far too focused on drama and the other far too personal or too far in the past to preoperly prepare for the very real oncoming changes. But I’d be wrong, if I didn’t say that on average a general sense of pregnancy is negative (read: screaming, tearing, expensive), but everyone who does it gets through it!
Time to unlearn what movies have taught us about pregnancies – We can prepare for a happy pregnancy and save money along the way!
So I want to write this blog to jot down my unlearning of this perspective that all pregnancies have a negative impact on the mother’s/couple’s life or that the negative effects are inevitable. There are tons of things we can do to prepare for a happy pregnancy (well, at least two thirds of it.) And I’m going to highlight my favorites. I’m not going to write much about the bad experiences here, since most of them are too readily available on the internet.
P.S. I can’t discuss any tips for a happy delivery yet, but I’m trying some things there that I hope will yield good results. Stay tuned for the Delivery Iteration!
The Good
Yes, indeed – Lots of fun experiences this pregnancy, beyond just ‘the joy of motherhood’. I know I was always a little pissed at mothers talking about how the anticipation of bringing a soul into this world nullified all the pain they encountered. And it might be true, I just don’t know yet. So I’m going to focus on things I truly enjoyed that I wouldn’t have been able to without a pregnancy.
Before I begin, the biggest tip I have overall is to plan for a pregnancy. Not just for yourself but for your husband. Have the conversations of ‘How can we support each other?’ And do the mindset prep for ‘change is coming’. And if the pregnancy is a surprise, do the planning in a shorter window, but do it regardless. Well, lets dive right in:
- Food tastes phenomenal again: I’m as suprised as you are. But I noticed, in recent times pre-pregnancy, that I had stopped paying attention to food too much. Like I ate healthy, or I ate things I knew I liked and, well, I liked eating it. But the pregnancy has affected all my senses in such a way that I yearned for specific food (or food experiences) and when I got them, the food hit all the right spots! This may have been the first in a long time when I can remember licking my fingers and expressly thanking the food gods because satisfying that pregnancy craving really sent serotonins flying for me.
- Tip 1: Your husband or caregiver is NOT going through what you’re going through – and they are not getting the direct physical reactions (good and bad) you’re getting, either. So be prepared to be your own hero: Satisying your cravings yourself is way better than getting in an argument or not having them satisfied at all. If your husband is excited about this part, then nothing like that at all!
- Tip 2: Don’t wait too long to satisy your craving. In general, I’m a huge fan of the wait-for-it to increase the intensity of satisfaction. but I have learned that this doesn’t translate to pregnancy cravings very well. For me, the craving moved on if I didn’t address it within the day. So if you are looking for the serotonin kick, just go for it asap
- Tip 3: You have a limited time of guiltfree eating (sorta, you still want to eat healthy). Remember you are eating for two! So if you tend to guilt yourself to a scale of 8 everyday, guilt yourself to 2 for this limited time
- You look different, and really good: The prenatal vitamins you take everyday and the focus on eating well, drinking lots of water (and lack of alcohol/nicotine/drugs) fill you out of the deficiencies you inadvertantly create when adulting. The hair grows thicker, the skin heals and women tend to get fuller in a more wholesome, healthy fashion. Additionally, this may be subjective, but I enjoy newness. So to see myself change so rapidly was exciting for me. Especially, in my second trimester, I’d look at myself in the mirror after a shower and I’d have to take a second to admire what was happening to a body I had known for thirty years.
- Tip 1: It also truly helped to have a husband keep repeating that he was enjoying the view from his window. If he isn’t saying anything, ask OR post your pictures (if comfortable) on Pregancy/Mom groups on facebook. The support women give other women is to die for on these groups
- Tip 2: Unless your profession revolves around how you look, don’t stress about getting back to ‘normal’. Enjoy the temporary newness and, if interested, there are many healthy pregnancy classes or postpartum body sculpting classes you can look up/apply for as you make this journey.
- Your brain ruthlessly prioritizes: Your brain does not have your usual patience during pregnancy – I have found myself rejecting activities or even simply zoning out of conversations because my brain has gone: “Is this more important than making an eyeball? Cause I got shit to do.” If you’re asking why is this in the good bucket – its because you know how you sometimes, find yourself in battles with yourself about having lunch on time or skipping it just once more, because this meeting is important. Yea, that’s not happening during your pregnancy. Your brain is picking sides confidently and communicating your needs very clearly. Eg. if you need a break from work, it is not asking you for permission or giving you the chance to negotiate with yourself. It is shutting down. And if you are worrying about this affecting your friendships or work, I’d say, not in my experience. The things, activities or people that do bring you joy and comfort, your brain is going to want more of those. It is also helpful that most of your friends and colleagues are going to be understanding of your situation.
- Tip 1: Understand your new pattern, instead of trying to control it. Your body is doing something entirely out of the ordinary. Take a moment to relearn things that work for you and communicate them to your manager/husband/friends.
- Tip 2: Outsource more things to technology – Reminder apps for medicines and daily walks, waterbottles that can measure exactly the daily recommended water intake, pill organizers, Yoga memberships – whatever you think you can outsource from your brain, do it! Make life as easy for yourself as possible. So you are not affected too much by the prioritization.
- Feedback from the inside: I just started feeling the kicks and flutters of my baby. And honestly, it is too much fun to see what my baby responds to, or just to start understanding her daily routine. My baby is active in the morning and then again in the evenings. I learnt that babies sometimes hiccup inside too. So of course, I take this opportunity to ask her questions like “Oh so you like ice cream, huh?” And, myself, interpret her kicks as a response. Of course, as I write this bit, my baby just knocked, maybe letting me know she has a POV on this topic. Things like this can’t be extrapolated if you haven’t experienced them – and that I get to enjoy this reparte with my baby right now is just mind-blowing.
- Sense of accomplishment: The first trimester, luckily for me, wasn’t too bad. I had no morning sickness. but I was fatigued a lot. In the second trimester is when I truly started feeling the impact of being heavier, joint pains, swellings, brain fuzz, etc. And so when I got things done, I felt the reward hormones rush in fast and heavy! I could do the things I was doing before (maybe less of them) while growing a whole human in me. You know that addage “Woman can do it all, while in heels!” – well, I felt very good in adding “Women can do it all, while grown a whole human in them!”
- Tip 1: Make checklists. I know it is a difficult habit to pick up if you haven’t already been doing it. But I have found it super helpful to make myself focus. So instead of doing 10 things halfway, I am able to do 5 things all the way and feel good about them
- Fake Dimples – I developed dimples along with the fat on my face. Need I say more? I cannot, I am unable to can…
The Money-Saving!
Don’t be afraid to come across as stingy in a world where hospitals are not afraid to come across as salesy!
Pregnancy and child rearing is expensive. No doubt about it – it will financially, always be a negative NPV investment. BUT from time to time do remind yourself, that it is not supposed to be investment. You spend money to ‘live life’ – this is part of that life, if you choose to go for it. Having said that, no harm in trying ways to save money where you can. So here goes
- Pregnancy is not a qualifying event for insurance (~Big Saver)– Very specific to the US, but pregnancy is not a qualifying event to change your insurance plans if you are outside the opt in window. So you cannot change your insurance plan after you get confirmation that you’re pregnant. If you want to change plans, do it in the open window of the year you’re trying to get pregnant. Giving birth is a qualifying event, so you can change your insurance to include your baby or make edits etc in run time then.
- Tests and Doctor visits are optional (~Big Saver) – Most hospitals will give you a checklist of tests and visits and they forget to mention that all of them are OPTIONAL. Make sure to ask your doctor and get a prioritized list of test or visits you need to do. In a healthy pregnancy, and if you don’t have incidences of genetic disorders (like down syndrome) in your own family, a good portion of the tests can be skipped.
- I, personally, did not do genetic testing because I do not have incidence on either side of the family. Additionally, the overall percentage of genetic disorder in my age range is super low, the tests are more likely to give you a probabilistic result and I did not think that I would abort my baby for a probabilistic result. So I wanted to avoid the stress and, after multiple ‘gentle’ nudges from the various doctors, nurses, technicians, I refused genetic testing
- I, personally, declined all Family-Medicine visits, but did all the Ob-Gyn visits. This was personal preference as I did not believe I was getting anything out of the Family-Medicine visits
- Plan to have pregnancy and delivery in same year (~Big saver): Most insurances reset at the beginning of each year, so if you have your delivery rolling over to the next year, your co-pay is reset and you have to fill the deductible bucket all over again before your insurance kicks in and starts paying for you. Additional benefit is you get to include your baby as dependent on your taxes if born by 31st of Dec of the tax year.
- Use your HSA/FSA to buy pregnancy items (~Medium saver): A ton of pregnancy related purchases (prenatal vitamins, maternity support belt, Birthing classes, etc) are eligible to go through HSA (some need Rx) which give you slight relief since these are tax free. This link is very helpful to look at the list of what can go through HSA/FSA.
- Make use of Hotlines and Messaging systems (~Medium saver) – For a lot of new moms, the instinct is to go to ER when things go wrong after hours. And that is not a bad instinct, but if it seems like you’re not in immediate danger (blood running down your leg, cramping, extreme abdominal pain, fainting, etc) – and are wondering what the right approach is here, most OB-GYN/Hospitals have a nurse hotline for after hours. They are usually good and understanding of the common pregnancy situations. Find out what they are before your need them, and reach out to them in situations where you don’t know if ER is the riht choice for you.
- Use baby registry and free raffles (~Small Saver) – Most baby registries as well as top tech companies have some form of baby box or pregnancy boxes for completion of registry or completion of maternity-seminar, etc. Make sure you make the most of it by creating 2+ registries in 2+ places with enough items to qualify for a box with each. These boxes have lovely goodies like diapers, lotions, vitamins, etc. There’s other websites that also have amazing pregnancy freebies if they work for you. Check the list out here
- Get the disability placard (~Small Saver) – California affords pregnant woman a 6-month disability placard, most other state do as well. This needs to be submitted with a doctor’s attestation. But its fairly straightforward process just the fill this form and submit online. The instructions can be found here. Their website doesn’t mention anything about pregnancy, so it can be misleading – but please reach out to your Ob-Gyn to get the full details and attestation.
Thoughts on the edge 